Mama..

So this past weekend was my grandmas birthday....

I didnt tell anyone not even any family members...wether they remembered or not.

And i must admit I should of said something.

She past away in the end of January.

And it was a shock.

I never saw it coming not that any of us did.

I know shes in a better place now. I dont like to say she past away, shes dead, or anything.

I refer it to as shes sleeping and is now resting.

I cant admit it to myself yet and i dont think i will for a long time.

Theres alot of things i wish i could of done before she went to sleep.

Should coulda woulda.

And i think thats what hurts the most... y didnt i do it?!!

ugh.

I remember crying in my boyfriends arms and telling him how she wont see my sister get married this year, i cant tell her i graduated beauty school, she wont see my brother grow up into this man that hes becoming in to overnight...she wont see our kids grow up...but after hours of thoughts and many many tears, I see that she is watching us, just up above. Shes here in spirit and thats all that matters.

Im glad to know that im the only grandchild that carry her last name.

Brenda NAVARRO Alvayero.

I decided even when i marry i will drop the alvayero and keep the Navarro forever.

<3

Happy Birthday Mama' Louisa.

I hope you are free of pain and resting in peace.

You raised 9 children and countless grandchildren and great grandchildren.

RIP.

Michael Jackson...i will forever "rock with you"

Farrah....every haircut full of layers is dedicated to you!

big ball of emotions!

starting a week ago...well lets just say things didnt change like i hoped so....

 

and it hurt when i found out the news...

REAL BAD.

i thought maybe when i get home ill take a nap since i hadnt slept in over 24hrs and when i woke up i would feeel better.

NOPE!!

the feeling was only worst...

and i only felt more sick than i had when i had woken up at 4:30 in the morning.

the best word to describe how i felt was USELESS.

and no matter who text me, called me or talked to me...nothing that was being said was making me feel better. Nothing. I know im not the only one to go throught it...

but i took it to heart....deeep in there...

I know i worked hard to get what i wanted...no one can tell me i didnt....

it happened for a reason...but i wish i knew what the reason was.

I wanted it just as much or more as anyone else in that room who had to go through 6 hrs of torture!

for the last week ive been hiding behind smiles and saying "next time" ill get it..

but im been going crazy thinking about it.....

and one thought has lead to another...and another and yes another.

Im 20 yrs old blah blah blah i still have my life to live blah blah blah...

but other than giving it a second try my focus is everything in life now...not just whats coming up....

i need to take it to another level i just dont know how...im working on it and its really hard.

im just taking every breath by breath, and literallt hoping that every step i take is down the right road.....

yay

this is mine on friday....

=)

sleepless

TEN ARE YOUS:
1. Are you single?
uh no 

Michael Anthony Coronas Girl_
2. Are you happy?
content


3. Are you bored?
noo

4. Are you white?
my shirt is

5. Are you Italian
moms says i eat like one haha

6. Are you intelligent
when i want to be

7. Are you honest?
honelty i have no idea haha

8. Are you nice?
if you give me candy =)

9. Are you Irish?
No, but my name is...scouts honor 

10. Are you Asian
if buddah is asian than im asian...
TEN FACTS:
1. Full Name:
Brenda Navarro Alvayero

2. Nicknames:
flaca

piggy

buddah

babe

B!

precious

wifey

Breezy

pocohontas(spell check!)

sancha

hero!

Bren

Brendaly

splash

kimberly

???

3. Birth place
northride cali!

4. Hair color:
natural dark brown...

right now black

5. Natural hair style:
down and straight... i dont like doing my hair its annoying hahah

6. Best Friend(s):
Amber Renee Yates

7. Birthday:
May 9th 1989

8. Mood:
im on that fuck it attitude

9. Favorite color(s):

blues black and im getting on the pinks

10. One Place you'd like to visit:
mexico where my grandpa is.

NINE THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE:
1. Have you ever been in love:
siii.

2. Do you believe in love at first sight?
i believe in it 

3. Do you currently have a crush?
nah

4. Have you ever been hurt emotionally?
my life!

5. Have you ever broken someone's heart
circle of life ppl hahaha

6. Have you ever had your heart broken?
enough times. ass.

7. Have you ever liked someone but never told them?
yeah i guess whatevs

8. Are you afraid of commitment?

nopee

9. Who was the last person you hugged?
moms

TEN THIS OR THAT:

1. Love or lust:
Love.

2. Hard liquor or beer?
none... im not a big drinker

3. Cats or dogs
Dogs.

4. A few best friends or any regular friends?
few very few.

5. Creamy or Crunchy?
both

6. Pencil or Pen
Pen.


7. Wild night out or romantic night in?
romantic....

8. Money or Happiness?
ummmboth!!

9. Night or day?
Night..

10. IM or phone?
phone.

TEN HAVE YOU EVER:

1. Been caught sneaking out
pssshhh im to goood


2. Seen a polar bear?
at the zooo hahaha

3. Done something you regret?
yup

4. Bungee jumped?
ill pass

5. Eaten food that fell on the floor?
rare

6. Finished an entire jaw breaker
nope

7. Been caught doing something you weren't supposed to be doing?
um duhhh

8. Wanted an ex bf/gf back
the past...

9. Cried because you lost a pet?
nope...

10. Wanted to disappear
many times

TEN PREFERENCES IN A PARTNER:

1. Smile or eyes?
ahh both

2. Light or dark hair?
darker


3. Hugs or kisses
kisses

4. Shorter or taller?
taller duh

5. Intelligence or attraction?
a little of both.

6. Hot Topic or Hollister?
ill pass

7. Funny or serious?
both

8. Older or Younger?

older!

9. Outgoing or quiet?
outgoing.

10. Sweet or Bad?
a little of both..

TEN HAVE YOUS:

1. Ever performed in front of a large crowd?
Yes

2. Ever talked on the phone for longer than an hour?
duhhh

3. Ever tried walking on your hands
in the pool

4. Ever been to a rock concert
nope

5. Ever been on a cheerleading team?
um no whats the point?

6. Ever been on a dance team?
nope

7. Ever been on a sports team
when i was little

8. Ever been in a drama play/ production?
nope not my thing

9. Ever owned a BMW, Mercedes Benz, Escalade, Hummer?
nope

10. Ever been in a rap video?
hhaahahahahha

Lasts?

1. Last phone call you made
MUD

2. Last person you hugged?
Already answered it

3. Last person you hung out with?
moms

4. Last time you worked out?
thats been a while

5. Last person you tackled?
dont member

6. Last person you texted?
this fool!

7. Last person(s) you went to the movies with?
boyfriend

8. Last person you missed?
grandpa

yeah...

im obsessed with how long her hair is....i think i only watch the show just to see her hair...its so long and its curly in the picture...when its straight its even more beautifullllll i have a while to go but im almost there seeeee....